Avoidance relationship

Avoidance relationship, sometimes called kin avoidance, is a concept in social and cultural anthropology. This involves two family members, whether they are related by blood or by marriage, avoiding physical or social contact with each other. Avoidance relationships are found in many cultures around the world and can be found in the customs of some Indigenous peoples of the Americas.

The rules for avoidance relationships vary depending on the culture and the relationship between the individuals involved. Some of these rules may prohibit the individuals in the relationship from talking to each other, touching each other, sleeping in the same house, being in the same room alone, or even making eye contact. Avoidance relationships are reciprocal, meaning that the rules apply to both individuals, although the degree of reciprocity varies across cultures.

Anthropologists began studying these relationships in the late nineteenth to early twentieth centuries, with increased focus in the 1920s–40s as scholars closely examined the anthropological significance of relationships among kin. In general, avoidance relationships are thought to prevent conflict among relatives. Additionally, the avoidance of certain relatives is viewed as a sign of respect in some groups. Some experts also believe that avoidance relationships among relatives of a different sex in certain cultures are specifically designed to prevent incest. The US National Science Foundation’s Cultural Anthropology Program supports research on human social and cultural variability, including changes in kinship and family practices.

Types of Avoidance Relationships

There are various forms of avoidance relationships in different cultures, but the three most common are mother-in-law avoidance, daughter-in-law avoidance, and sibling avoidance (especially between opposite-sex siblings).

Mother-in-law avoidance is one of the most frequently observed forms of avoidance relationships found in cultural anthropology. In this relationship, the mother-in-law and the son-in-law avoid contact with each other. This type of relationship is commonly seen in matrilocal societies, in which the son-in-law moves in with or near to his wife’s family after they marry, and is widespread in various other social structures, too. In this type of society, the daughter’s family views her husband as an outsider. He often has a considerably lower ranking within the family’s hierarchy, in which the mother-in-law manages the affairs of the household. Therefore, the avoidance relationship in this situation is designed to prevent conflict between the mother-in-law and son-in-law. In some cultures, once the mother-in-law and son-in-law have become accustomed to each other, the avoidance relationship may be relaxed. This often involves the exchange of gifts between the mother-in-law and son-in-law to show their mutual appreciation.

Daughter-in-law avoidance is similar to mother-in-law avoidance in some respects. This may involve avoidance between the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law, or it may focus on avoidance between the daughter-in-law and her father-in-law. In some societies, the daughter-in-law is prohibited from speaking to or showing her face in front of her parents-in-law, and the mother-in-law and father-in-law similarly avoid contact with their son’s wife.

Brother-sister or sibling avoidance is another common type of avoidance relationship. In these situations, opposite-sex siblings begin to avoid each other from the time they approach puberty. The severity of avoidance varies from culture to culture. In some cases, opposite-sex siblings are prohibited from sharing a room or discussing sex in front of each other, while other cultures go so far as to forbid opposite-sex siblings from being alone together in the same house or even touching each other’s belongings. This type of avoidance relationship may also extend to other relatives of a different sex, such as cousins. Experts suggest that such avoidance relationships are designed to prevent the possibility of incest, as young men and women do not interact with members of a different sex with whom a sexual or marital relationship would be inappropriate. This form of avoidance may also extend to siblings or other relatives of the same sex. In such cases, some anthropologists feel that same-sex relative avoidance is often related to respect. For example, the younger sisters will not discuss inappropriate subjects, such as sex, in the presence of their older sister to show their respect.

Joking Relationships

In anthropology, the opposite of the avoidance relationship is the joking relationship. While the term suggests humor, a joking relationship is not necessarily funny. Joking relationships can involve teasing and jokes, but some also permit sexually suggestive remarks, the use of obscenities, and physically aggressive acts, such as slapping or pushing. The avoidance relationship is designed to prevent conflict, but the joking relationship almost seems to encourage it. However, experts argue that some joking relationships are actually designed to promote solidarity among members of the same community or culture. In fact, in some societies, joking relationships are not just encouraged but required.

Who is involved in a joking relationship varies. In many cultures, joking relationships are formed between people who could potentially marry one day. These types of joking relationships often involve some sort of sexual innuendo between the two individuals. Usually, these are people who are not related to one another, but some joking relationships that include a sexual component can be found among cousins in some cultures.

Joking relationships that focus on teasing and/or physical acts like hitting and pushing are often seen among relatives of different generations. A niece might tell her aunt that she is getting old, a grandfather might steal his grandson’s clothes, or a young man might knock down his uncle if he refuses to give the boy something he wants. Unlike avoidance relationships, joking relationships are not always reciprocal. For example, in some cultures, the uncle who is knocked down may not be able to strike back against his nephew. In other cultures, the joking relationship is mutual, and both individuals may tease each other in a similar, often friendly manner. Although joking and avoidance relationships are very different, both relationships are often found in the same cultures.

Bibliography

“Avoidance Relationships.” Marriage, Family and Relationships: A Cross-Cultural Encyclopedia, edited by Gwen J. Broude, ABC-CLIO, 1994, pp. 32–35.

Gould, Wendy Rose. “What Avoidant Attachment Looks Like in a Relationship.” Verywell Mind, 19 Sept. 2024, www.verywellmind.com/what-is-avoidant-attachment-in-relationships-8600201. Accessed 20 Mar. 2026.

“Incest.” Encyclopaedia Britannica, Encyclopaedia Britannica, Inc., www.britannica.com/topic/incest. Accessed 20 Mar. 2026.

“Joking Relationships.” Marriage, Family and Relationships: A Cross-Cultural Encyclopedia, edited by Gwen J. Broude, ABC-CLIO, 1994, pp. 158-60.

“Kin Avoidance.” Aggression and Conflict: A Cross-Cultural Encyclopedia, edited by David Levinson, ABC-CLIO, 1994, pp. 107–9.

“Kinship.” Encyclopaedia Britannica, Encyclopaedia Britannica, Inc., www.britannica.com/topic/kinship. Accessed 20 Mar. 2026.

National Science Foundation. “Cultural Anthropology Program.” National Science Foundation, www.nsf.gov/funding/opportunities/ca-ddrig-cultural-anthropology-program-doctoral-dissertation-research/505057/nsf24-605. Accessed 20 Mar. 2026.

Norrick, Neal R. “Joking Relationship.” Encyclopedia of Humor Studies, edited by Salvatore Attardo, vol. 1, SAGE Reference, 2014, pp. 418–21.

Sharma, Ram Nath, and Rajendra K. Sharma. “Avoidance and Joking Relationships.” Anthropology, Atlantic Publishers and Distributors, 1997, pp. 319–21.

Srivastava, A.R. N. “Social Sphere of Culture: Marriage and Kinship.” Essentials of Cultural Anthropology, 2nd ed., PHI Learning Private Limited, 2013, pp. 96-97.