Romantic addiction

• TYPE OF PSYCHOLOGY: Addiction; Biological bases of human behavior; Clinical; Counseling; Developmental; Family; Social

Heartbreak due to the dissolution of a romantic relationship and withdrawal from an addictive substance share many similar psychological and neurobiological symptoms. Increasing awareness regarding the similarities across both conditions and conceptualizing the process of getting over a romantic relationship from an addiction framework may be helpful from a treatment/recovery standpoint. Using an addiction model to understand the common thoughts, emotions, and behaviors individuals experiencing heartbreak have can promote consideration of strategies that have been shown to be effective in treating substance use conditions.

Introduction

The end of a romantic relationship, whether through a break-up or divorce, is a profoundly emotional but common occurrence. The majority of individuals experience the hurt of heartbreak at least once in their lifetime. Although grief is a key symptom following a break-up, a simple bereavement model of recovery from heartbreak may not address the myriad symptoms individuals experience when a relationship ends, particularly when the relationship is terminated by the other partner. An abundance of literature suggests that heartbreak can lead to a wide range of mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, and insomnia. Additionally, individuals suffering from the loss of a relationship may be at risk for using alcohol or drugs as a maladaptive coping behavior to help alleviate the pain. In fact, the process of trying to get over a former romantic partner can often look very similar to the process of individuals struggling to overcome a substance abuse disorder; research has found many neurological and psychological similarities between these two conditions. Conceptualizing a person's struggle of getting over a romantic partner as recovery from an addiction can help integrate techniques that may not be utilized if this process is only viewed as bereavement.

Psychological Similarities between Romantic Relationships, Heartbreak, and Addiction

Two researchers, Burkett and Young, report that from “initial encounters to withdrawal,” love, heartbreak, and addiction share similar psychological features and symptoms. They describe the experience of love as leading to experiences of “exquisite euphoria, loss of control, loss of time, and a powerful motivation to seek out the partner” and the experience of getting over a former partner as a withdrawal from an addiction. For example, the substance use disorder criterion, which states that individuals experience “a persistent desire or unsuccessful efforts to cut down or control substance use” and spend “a great deal of time… us[ing] the substance, or recover[ing] from its effects,” appears to capture the symptoms experienced by individuals suffering from heartbreak. A study conducted on participants struggling to get over their former partner found that participants reported routinely thinking about their ex-partner at least 85 percent of the day. In the same study, Fisher and colleagues also found that many participants reported yearning to reunite romantically with their ex-partner through inappropriate contact (i.e., phone, text, email, social media, in person), were unable to stop crying, and often drank excessively.

Research has found that people going through a break-up had made strenuous attempts to reunite with their ex-partner and reported extreme distress and preoccupation related to the ex-partner. The tendency for the individuals to desperately attempt to reestablish the relationship post-breakup appears to parallel the common struggle individuals experience when they try to refrain from using a substance. In addition, the distress and preoccupation associated with the former partner are also analogous to the distress and preoccupation many substance abusers report experiencing due to their addiction.

Substance-related withdrawal symptoms such as autonomic hyperactivity, increased hand tremors, insomnia, nausea/vomiting, psychomotor agitation, and anxiety have also been observed in individuals who experience heartbreak. For example, three researchers, Gilbert, Gilbert, and Schultz found a high degree of similarity with regard to withdrawal symptoms between individuals with addictive behaviors and relationship loss. Additionally, separation anxiety, another condition that is triggered by separation from others, overlaps with substance abuse withdrawal symptoms for the following: sleep difficulty, anxiety, and nausea/vomiting. Although the separation anxiety and heartbreak following the dissolution of a romantic relationship are different, they are both triggered by the separation from a loved one and, as such, provide additional support that experiencing a breakup may lead to substance-like withdrawal symptoms.

Neurological Similarities between Romantic Relationships, Heartbreak, and Addiction

Romantic relationships and addictions also appear to share similar biochemical pathways. In their review article, Burkett and Young suggest that attachment, love, and addiction share commonalities in brain regions and neurochemical activity across conditions. More specifically, they found the following neurochemicals to be highly involved in both drug addiction and romantic relationship bonding: dopamine, opioids, oxytocin, corticotrophin-releasing hormones, and arginine vasopressin. For example, corticotrophin-releasing hormones are activated both during withdrawal from drugs of abuse and during separation from and/or the end of a relationship with a loved one. The presence of withdrawal symptoms in both substance disorders and break-ups, and the finding that the same hormones are activated during both withdrawal processes, supports the concept that going through a break-up and suffering from an addiction share underlying commonalities.

Further support for the neurological similarities between addiction and romantic relationships comes from a study by Fisher and colleagues that assessed the brain activity of individuals who experienced the loss of a romantic relationship and reported difficulty in getting over a former partner. Their results found an increase in neural activity within specific brain areas (the nucleus accumbens and the orbitofrontal/prefrontal cortex) when participants were presented with the picture of their former partner. These same brain regions are activated during periods of drug craving.

Clinical Implications

Conceptualizing romantic relationships as a form of addiction may provide important in trying to overcome the struggle of ending it. Given the neurological and psychological commonalities shared by addictive behaviors and romantic relationships, it may be therapeutically beneficial to conceptualize the loss of a romantic relationship as withdrawal from a substance and guide treatment from this framework. While symptoms of depression, anxiety, and substance use are associated with relationship loss, the underlying processes that precipitate and maintain these symptoms may be attributed to both neurobiological and psychological factors that are remarkably similar to those associated with addiction.

Conceptualizing the process of “getting over an ex” as similar to the process of substance cessation may lead to treatment benefits for individuals who suffer extreme distress and experience impairment in functioning. Clinicians may draw from strategies that have demonstrated efficacy in treating individuals suffering from substance use. Psychoeducation regarding common symptoms associated with addictive behaviors (e.g., withdrawal symptoms, unsuccessful attempts to control use [like not contacting the ex-partner], continued use despite awareness of negative consequences [like looking at pictures of the ex-partner or mentally reviewing past experiences with the ex-partner]) may be helpful during the initial phase of therapy. Framing lapses as both normal and to-be-expected can help individuals to accept these episodes without viewing them themselves as failures or personally weak may also be helpful. In addition, psychoeducation regarding urges and cravings to reach out to the ex-partner or to ruminate about them can outline specific coping strategies to use during times when urges become intense. Similarly, identifying and self-monitoring specific triggers, like past shared locations, foods, people, smells, and movies to be avoided has the benefit of promoting behavioral and emotional detachment, and thereby reduce personal suffering.

There are many coping mechanisms that can be used to heal after the end of a romantic relationship. Often, activities such as therapy, group discussion, or journalling, help to process and weed through the turbulent emotions one experiences after a break-up.

Future Directions

Though nascent research supports the idea that ending romantic relationships and surviving the resulting heartbreak may have similarities to forms of behavioral addiction, the state of psychosocial research is, as yet, still working to determine that these underlying similarities are true in all cases. Although relationships and breakups are not uniform, recognizing the similarities, when they exist, can help those suffering to suffer less and cope better. Research continues to highlight the shared psychological and neurological features of ending romantic relationships and addiction, and studies have shown that both heartbreak and addiction activate similar brain regions associated with reward, craving, and emotional distress.

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