Coercive control

Overview

Coercive control can act as a precursor to or occur at the same time as other types of abuse. It is subtler than most other kinds of abuse or domestic violence, but can be just as psychologically harmful. Coercive control is ongoing and often worsens over the course of a relationship. Relationships may begin normally, with the abusive partner first showering the other partner with praise and love. Over time, however, the abusive partner changes his behavior to create a system of control and abuse.

The instances of restriction may seem small at first, but often increase in severity over time. The abusive partner often tries to isolate the partner. This may mean moving away from friends and family. The abuser may monitor and regulate the partner’s communication with loved ones. They may also share a phone or social media accounts. Limiting communication and visits with loved ones isolates the abused partner, making it more difficult for the person to seek help or leave the relationship.

Coercive control often includes monitoring a partner. The abuser might call their partner many times each day to determine the partner’s actions and whereabouts. The abuser might also monitor a partner through video or audio recordings. Sometimes, abusers will even stalk or follow their partners to watch all their movements. An abuser may install a tracking application on their partner's phone, or they may place tracking devices in their cars or bags. An abuser might also restrict a partner’s movements and change online passwords to keep the person from accessing certain sites or information.

Coercive control also often includes name-calling, put-downs, and other types of bullying behavior. Furthermore, abusers often tell lies about partners or try to turn a partner’s family members (including their children) against them.

Coercive control also includes other types of control. For example, abusers may try to financially control their partner by limiting the use of credit cards, obsessively tracking spending, and designating how the partner may spend the money. They might also seek to control their partner’s body by controlling what they wear, what they eat, and when they can exercise. In heterosexual relationships, they can also try to control their partners by reinforcing gender roles, often with men telling women to do stereotypically female jobs, such as cooking, cleaning, and rearing children. Abusers can also seek to control sex in their relationships.

Abusers who practice coercive control are often dangerous and may threaten to hurt themselves or their partners. People trying to escape from partners practicing coercive control can call domestic abuse hotlines or talk to medical professionals to ask for help. Leaving abusive partners can be psychologically, financially, and physically difficult; however, staying in a relationship with coercive control is extremely harmful.

Bibliography

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Dichter, Melissa E., et al. "Coercive Control in Intimate Partner Violence: Relationship with Women’s Experience of Violence, Use of Violence, and Danger." Psychology of Violence, vol. 8, no. 5, 2018, p. 596, doi.org/10.1037/vio0000158. Accessed 13 Nov. 2025.

Ellin, Abby. “With Coercive Control, the Abuse Is Psychological.” The New York Times, 11 Jul. 2016, well.blogs.nytimes.com/2016/07/11/with-coercive-control-the-abuse-is-psychological. Accessed 13 Nov. 2025.

“Emotional and Psychological Abuse: Coercive Control.” WomensLaw.org, 14 July 2025, www.womenslaw.org/about-abuse/forms-abuse/emotional-and-psychological-abuse/forms-emotional-and-psychological-abuse-0. Accessed 13 Nov. 2025.

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Grierson, Jamie. “’This Is Not Love’: Victim of Coercive Control Says She Saw Red Flags from Start.” Guardian, 20 Jan. 2019, www.theguardian.com/society/2019/jan/21/this-is-not-love-victim-of-coercive-control-says-she-saw-red-flags-from-start. Accessed 13 Nov. 2025.

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Stark, E. Coercive Control: How Men Entrap Women in Personal Life. Oxford UP, 2007.