Self-love

In psychology, self-love refers to love and acceptance of oneself. Although the concept of self-love has existed since ancient times, how it has been regarded has changed over time. While some people believe that self-love is the same as narcissism—a condition in which a person has an exaggerated sense of self-importance and a lack of empathy for others—the two concepts are not really the same. Some psychological experts have even argued that a person must love themself to truly love other human beings.

Background

The ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle addressed the concept of self-love and ethics in Nicomachean Ethics (c. 330 BCE). He tried to tackle the question of who loves themselves more: ethical people or unethical people. While Aristotle acknowledged that most people would believe that an unethical person would have more love for themself than an ethical person would, he did not accept this as true. Aristotle compared how an ethical person would behave in a friendship with another person—wishing good things for the friend, doing good things for the friend, sharing the friend’s triumphs and tragedies, etc.—to how an ethical person would behave in a relationship with themself—wishing good things for themself, doing things that are good for them, sharing their own triumphs and tragedies, etc.

He also examined how an unethical person would behave in a relationship with themself (doing things that are pleasant but not necessarily good for them, hating their life because of past evil actions, seeking distraction from past misdeeds, etc.). Aristotle argued that this unethical person, who only seeks out money and pleasure to temporarily satisfy their own emptiness, does not truly love themself at all. He believed that those individuals who truly love themselves are willing to sacrifice material comforts to benefit others. The people who have real self-love would even sacrifice their lives for the good of family, friends, and country rather than live with the shame of being a coward.

Aristotle’s work is not the only ancient text in which self-love is discussed. The command to love thy neighbor as thyself is seen in both the Jewish Torah and in the Christian New Testament. The inherent idea behind this commandment is that one’s neighbor is human just as oneself is. Therefore, to love another human, one must first love the humanity in oneself. However, not every theologian believed that this was the case. Fourteenth-century French theologian John Calvin referred to self-love as a “pest” and saw it as a vice.

As the science of psychology began to emerge in the late nineteenth century, psychologists began to debate the idea of self-love. In 1914, psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud wrote the essay “On Narcissism: An Introduction.” In it, Freud suggested that narcissism, an excessive sense of self-importance, was caused by one’s libido, the energy behind survival and sexual instinct, being pointed inward instead of outward. Freud did acknowledge that a certain amount of narcissism was healthy and even important, such as in the case of infants, who are primarily focused on themselves and their survival. Freud called this primary narcissism. Over time, one’s primary narcissism diminishes, and the libido is supposed to point out toward others. If it does not, then the person could develop an unhealthy narcissistic personality.

The idea that a person’s energy, or love, could only be pointed toward others or themself was one that German psychologist Erich Fromm took issue with. Fromm argued in his 1956 book The Art of Loving that love for others and love for oneself were not, as Freud suggested, mutually exclusive. Fromm suggested that if loving one’s neighbor, who is human, is virtuous, then loving oneself cannot be considered devious because the self cannot be separated from humanity. Fromm believed that the idea of loving and understanding others could not be different or separate from the idea of loving and understanding oneself. He also believed that true love of another was wholly connected to self-love. In his 1955 book The Sane Society, Fromm argued that a person who loves only one other person and shuts themself off from the rest of the world does not truly love at all. The person who loves another, and recognizes not only their love of the rest of humanity but also their love for humanity in themself in that other person, is someone truly capable of love. Fromm believed that such self-love was the opposite of selfishness and narcissism.

Overview

The concept of self-love is one that has still been debated in psychological circles and in the mainstream media in the twenty-first century. In addition, self-love is still very much connected with the idea of narcissism in most people’s minds. Some people have argued that many young people have come to engage in too much self-love. They believe that movements that tell people to engage in self-love and self-care promote narcissism in a society that is already overwhelmed by selfies and social media profiles.

Others have argued that self-love is an important part of understanding others and maintaining loving relationships with friends, family members, and partners. Some experts believe that self-love is the key to having empathy for others. Without being able to love or forgive oneself, one cannot love and forgive others. They also argue that self-love is not selfish or self-centered; rather, they believe that self-love is the basis for all other forms of love within a person’s life.

Self-love is not something that comes to most people naturally. Many people have an inner critic who passes judgment on every small or big thing the person does wrong. Some psychologists argue that people must let go of the idea of perfectionism and forgive themselves for not being perfect to love themselves. They must also recognize that they are inherently worthy just as they are. If there are things that the person finds unlovable about themself, then they need to adjust their behavior to be more kind and lovable to themself and to others. Experts have also found that individuals who engage in self-love, self-care, and self-compassion are less likely to suffer from health problems such as anxiety, depression, and irritable bowel syndrome than people who strive for perfection in their lives are.

Bibliography

Campbell, Leah. “33 Ways to Love Yourself More.” PsychCentral, 21 May 2021, psychcentral.com/blog/the-basics-of-self-love/. Accessed 20 Dec. 2024.

Cherry, Kendra. “The History of Narcissistic Personality Disorder.” Verywell Mind, 7 Dec. 2023, www.verywellmind.com/the-history-of-narcissistic-personality-disorder-2795569. Accessed 20 Dec. 2024.

Fozard, Darlene Weaver. “Self Love.” Encyclopedia of Love in World Religions, edited by Yudit Kornberg Greenberg, vol. 2, ABC-CLIO, 2008, pp. 542–44.

Fromm, Erich. The Art of Loving: The Centennial Edition. Continuum, 2008, pp. 52–54.

Fromm, Erich. The Sane Society. Holt, 1990.

Head, Ally. "Keen to Know How to Work on Self Love? How to Treat Yourself with Compassion, Even If You Don't Feel Like It." Marie Claire, 18 May 2023, www.marieclaire.co.uk/life/sex-and-relationships/self-love-meaning-729613. Accessed 20 Dec. 2024.

Hinsliff, Gaby. “How Self-Love Got Out of Control.” The Guardian, 6 Oct. 2018, www.theguardian.com/global/2018/oct/07/how-self-love-got-out-of-control-the-rise-of-narcissism-politics. Accessed 20 Nov. 2018.

Sandoiu, Ana. “Why Self-Love Is Important and How to Cultivate It.” MedicalNewsToday, 23 Mar. 2018, www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/321309.php. Accessed 20 Nov. 2018.

“Self-love.” Ethics, rev. ed., edited by John K. Roth, vol. 3, Salem Press, 1994, pp. 1337–39.